A little bit about poker and Texas Hold 'em

The newness has worn off, but every once in a while you'll still see a "Poker is bigger than ever!" story on TV or in the paper. These recycled stories usually tell you what you already know, including the fact that journalists love low-hanging fruit, but that doesn't keep them from being mostly true.

I say mostly true because poker, in general, is not bigger than ever. No, what's bigger than ever is a poker variant called Texas Hold 'em, or just hold 'em (by the way, I'm going to assume you are somewhat familiar with the game, and if not, open up a new window and Google it). I'm not going to knock the game because basically I'm a "high tide raises all boats" kind of guy, but the truth is, hold 'em's popularity has brought some unwelcome things with it.

1. The near death of stud, omaha, and draw poker. Good luck finding one of these games in a card room now. The first couple of times I was in Vegas, the stud and omaha tables outnumbered the hold 'em tables, and now you're lucky if the card room even goes through the motion of putting out a sign up sheet for one of them.
2. Luck is a much larger factor in hold 'em than in other games. I don't know of any other game in general, not just hold 'em, where so many amateurs have beaten so many top pros. Don't get me wrong, bad players eventually end up losing, but in the short term, I've seen them do quite well.
3. The idiots you have to play with and their annoying habits. A) Dudes (or chicks) who wear sunglasses while playing. Here's a news flash, there are two kinds of people who wear sunglasses indoors, blind people and assholes. B) The "let me think" guy. Here are your options: throw chips in the center of the table or throw your cards in; unless there's serious money in the pot, taking more than five seconds to decide what to do should result in a beating from the other players. C) The "I know everything about poker" guy. Of course it goes without saying that he knows as much about poker as I know about particle physics. Dollars to donuts, he picked up most of his knowledge from watching it on TV, which means he doesn't know anything about other card games. He also usually has a bulging vein on his forehead from the brain strain he gets by constantly trying to innocuously drop poker jargon and pro players names into casual conversation because it makes him feel more macho to do so. It goes without saying that when he's winning, it's because he's good, and when he's losing, it's because bad cards are coming his way.

Having said all of that, card players are still better off in a world where hold 'em is popular. It used to be that you had to hunt for a casino that had a poker room (some only had a table or two in a corner somewhere, and you had to play with old ladies when the casino got a game up and running), now they all have them, and that's a good thing. Now where are my sunglasses?

Jury duty

Jury duty has become a cliche, and not without good reason. It's like the winning the lottery in reverse every few years when that white envelope from the county courthouse arrives notifying you that you're being ordered to have a long boring day. And you'd damn well better be there when they tell to be there or you face the possibility of a fine, or even run the risk of the deputies coming to pick you up. Who wouldn't resent that?

I'm no different than anyone else in this regard, and when I got that white envelope, I opened and quickly scanned through the part where it talks about exemptions, hoping against hope that I could claim one. No dice. Then I began thinking. I've never been on a jury before, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to be picked for one. The mere thought of playing a part in deciding someones fate became a real rush for me (and a somewhat unwholesome one at that, now that I think about it), and I began looking forward to today's trip to the courthouse.

I could give you the coffeehouse creative writing take on the day, but why stretch it out? The short version is that this holiday week has a less hectic court schedule, so they let a fifth of the 500 people called in for the jury pool go early by late morning and I was one of them. It was nice to have the rest of the day to myself, but as you can gather from my earlier statements, I was a little disappointed.

Having gone this experience again, it's caused me to reflect and ask, why isn't there a better way to do this? No, no. I need to rephrase that. Why isn't it being done a better way?

Yeah, I get it, I know how the system works. Hundreds of people get called for various cases about to be heard, and all but a fraction of the time, the case doesn't even make it to opening arguments because one or both of the lawyers are playing chicken and hopes to get a better bargain from the other side. So, basically, out of 500 or so people, only maybe 50 (if that even) actually hear a case. The result? A normal person's day is wasted. The lawyers, judges, and bailiffs are paid to be there, so they're not out anything.

My solution? The same computer that picks a random group for the general jury pool can do the same thing, but will instead pick smaller groups for specific court cases. A person chosen for jury duty will arrive in the morning outside of the courtroom, where court proceedings will begin immediately, not some big hall to wait for hours in uncomfortable chairs and fathomless boredom. Any plea deal must be made the day before, and posted to a Web site so potential jurors will know they don't have to show up. If a plea is made after that, the side that initiated it pays each member of the jury pool $100, and considering the pool for the average case is 40 or so, I don't think you'd see the same kind of foolishness that you do now.

And you don't like that plan, I'll see you in court.