Midgets on mini bikes

A few months ago my roommate, Brian, walked into the house we share with my older brother and his older brother (we're a thirty something version of Animal House, except with bigger bellies, less sex, but roughly the same amount of beer), and asked, "When was the last time you saw a midget riding a mini bike?"

I put my game of Halo on pause, stared at him and thought a) what?, and b) what's the joke? So I waited for him to continue with a punchline or go on with the story.

"Dude, there's a midget riding a mini bike outside," he said.

OK, I thought, this I have to see. I open the front door and sure enough, a midget on a mini bike is riding up and down the street. Better still, it wasn't even really an mini bike. It's what is called a pocket bike, which are even smaller than mini bikes and are designed to look like full-size race bikes.

In and of itself, a midget on a mini bike doesn't make a great story, but it does illustrate the hollowness of political correctness. PC orthodoxy tells us that we're bad people for finding humor in the fact that we saw a grown man (ouch! pardon the pun), who happens to be three feet tall, riding the only motorcycle he is physically capable of riding. After all, who would think it's funny to laugh at a guy in a wheelchair?

Both are instances of people dealing with the limitations placed on them by the powers that be, and yet, we find one to be funny and one not to be. I don't know whether that's a product of our culture or if it's hard wired into humanity. Don't get me wrong, there is such a thing as civility and politeness, so I wouldn't think about laughing at the guy to his face, but I do believe that we lose something when we deny something that's intrinsic to us.

The point is, I don't think it makes us bad people to notice, and even find humor in the differences and oddities that abound in humanity.

Oh yeah, later the midget tied a rope to the bike and towed his full-sized friend up and down the street while he sat in an office chair. I don't care how PC you are, that is definitely funny.

Working hard, or hardly working?

The reason actors make $ 20 million per movie is so that God can remind the rest of us that life isn't fair.

Sure, some make more and some make less, but rest assured, if you actually know the name of any TV or movie actor, they make a million or more per year. And you know what, there's nothing wrong with it.

Say what you will about about Bruce Willis, Tom Hanks, or whoever, but these guys at least had the guts to pack their stuff (Hollywood actor pun partly intended) and move to Hollywood and go for that one in a million shot (actually, if you don't consider grossly untalented actors, I'm more inclined to believe it's more of a one in 10,000 chance or so, but that expression doesn't have as much punch; and your guess is as good as mine if you want to recalculate to include the grossly untalented).

The thing is, unless Bruce Willis slashed your tires on the day you were scheduled to audition for the McClain part in Die Hard, his success has no tangible impact on your life. None! Just because Bruce has an Italian villa, an Italian sportscar, and an Italian supermodel girlfriend, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's depriving you of any of those things (I stopped for a minute before I finished this sentence to cry a little bit).

Of course it's easy to be philosophical about the fortunes of people so far removed from yourself, so I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that there is that little pinch (occaisionally, it's a punch) that you get when Parade magazine does its yearly "What people earn" issue, or when you bump into an idiot you knew from high school who outearns your yearly salary by the cost of a Kentucky Derby contender.

I could go on forever about this, but I'll keep it short. Here's the point; if you strike it extremely lucky in life, good for you, but remember to shut the hell up. I, and I'm sure most others, don't want to hear about how you got where you are because of hard work. If you're reasonably successfull and under 30, and almost definitely if you are under 40, you got what you have because you caught a lucky break of some sort (and if after reading that, you just thought "that applies to everyone but me;" you are an asshole).

So here's the wrap up: if you have nothing, it's not because other people have something; and if you have something, enjoy it, and leave the sermons about hard work to your grandmother.

Hey and you should believe this because I'm speaking from the moral high ground. I don't have crapola, but I don't work hard either.